This is Hollywood baby. Actually, it’s West Hollywood. Hollywood is full of was museums, tourists, and junkies. West Hollywood is the home of exclusive nightclubs, power lunches, and actresses so thin they might as well be junkies. If you’ve ever spent any time in WeHo (as us locals call West Hollywood, much to my amusement) you know it’s only a matter of time before a waiter pushes a movie script into your hands and whispers, “are you in the industry?” Well, exactly such a script has fallen into my hands, seriously. If I was going to make up a fake movie script I would call it If Tomorrow Never Comes, this one is titled The Promethean by Paul Lingas. So for everyone out there who will never have the pleasure of reading a verifiable aspiring movie script, I though I’d give you a little preview. Feel free to come over to my apartment and read it in its entirety, in the meantime you’ll have to settle for my notes. And Paul, if you’re reading this, which you almost certainly aren’t, just stay open to some of the changes I’ve proposed.
*How are you going to pitch this? I would use something along the lines of, “think Minority Report meets Field of Dreams.” Or maybe just, “it’s like The Matrix, only not nearly as well thought out.”
*Let’s brainstorm other title ideas. If I didn’t know anything about the film and someone said to me, “hey, want to go see The Promethean?” I’d say, “no. What the hell is The Promethean?” As a general rule people don’t like movie titles dependant on knowledge of Greek mythology. Here’s my suggestion; Daylight. Think about it. It’s catchy and more subtly appropriate.
*Do you really want to go with the wristwatch communicator? Talking into your watch makes me think of Dick Tracy. Why would people in the future combine watches and cell phones when people now use their cell phones as watches? I’d go with a Bluetooth-esque device.
*I like the use of “organic plants” as a valuable commodity in a place with a potentially poisonous atmosphere. It makes sense that only the powerful would have vegetation.
*Here’s my biggest problem. I know it’s an apocalyptic future but would all art and music really disappear? Isn’t some aspect of music almost innate? I’m of course referring to Carter’s absolute shock when he hears someone hum. Really? I just feel like even in a bleak and barren wasteland people wouldn’t lose the ability or desire to hum/whistle/doodle etc.
*Carter goes too quickly from a snitch to a full-fledged member of the resistance. You need to either show his more gradual transition or include some sort of epiphany. What if he and Penelope have sex on top of the conveyer belt, someone walks in, and in their rush they duck inside one of the crates? Of course they stumble on the smuggled artifacts from the outside world and Carter realizes the resistance is right. Plus you need a sex scene, that’s two birds with one stone right there.
*Marshall seems completely unaffected by Marie’s death. One of his fellow revolutionaries is kidnapped and beaten to death and his reaction is basically, “she had it coming”? If I was considering joining the revolution I wouldn’t want my leader to be a guy who doesn’t give a crap if the overlords are whooping me with night sticks, or what ever future police use to beat future people.
*Leboutillier needs a new name. He’s supposed to be a hated villain but his name sounds like some sort of French pastry, or flower, maybe a combination pastry/flower. It just doesn’t seem at all menacing. What about Vince, or Tony or something? No, that’s too mafia. I can’t think of anything good. Regardless, Leboutillier needs to go.
*[Spoiler alert] So Carter finds out he was born in the outside world and is indeed the prophesied Promethean who has come to lead the people. I know it’s kind of a central point in the plot, but you might as well have Keanu Reeves start kung-fu fighting clones in a black trench coat. Ok, so Hollywood’s not real big on originality but goddamn man, I might as well just go rent The Matrix at this point.
*[even more spoiler alert]When the resistance group finally reaches the outside world and sees the sun for the first time they’re a little nonchalant. What, people don’t swear in the future. If I was locked in a bleak metallic factory my entire life and told by overlords that the Earth was fatally radioactive, and then I open a door and stumbled out into fresh air, I think at the very least an “oh shit” would be in order. Even a “wow.” Come on, something.
There you go people. I can’t go any further without giving the whole thing away, and then why would you pay your hard earned money to watch The Promethean? Or if I have my way, Daylight. Seriously Paul, cut me in. We can make this thing a blockbuster. Thousands of people lined up to watch Norbit, we got at least a fighting chance. And if any NoChancers have any film suggestions for the problems I’ve raised (good villain name for example) I’m sure we can get you a producer credit. Hell, hand out some sandwiches on set and you’ll get a producer credit. It's the least I can do.
*How are you going to pitch this? I would use something along the lines of, “think Minority Report meets Field of Dreams.” Or maybe just, “it’s like The Matrix, only not nearly as well thought out.”
*Let’s brainstorm other title ideas. If I didn’t know anything about the film and someone said to me, “hey, want to go see The Promethean?” I’d say, “no. What the hell is The Promethean?” As a general rule people don’t like movie titles dependant on knowledge of Greek mythology. Here’s my suggestion; Daylight. Think about it. It’s catchy and more subtly appropriate.
*Do you really want to go with the wristwatch communicator? Talking into your watch makes me think of Dick Tracy. Why would people in the future combine watches and cell phones when people now use their cell phones as watches? I’d go with a Bluetooth-esque device.
*I like the use of “organic plants” as a valuable commodity in a place with a potentially poisonous atmosphere. It makes sense that only the powerful would have vegetation.
*Here’s my biggest problem. I know it’s an apocalyptic future but would all art and music really disappear? Isn’t some aspect of music almost innate? I’m of course referring to Carter’s absolute shock when he hears someone hum. Really? I just feel like even in a bleak and barren wasteland people wouldn’t lose the ability or desire to hum/whistle/doodle etc.
*Carter goes too quickly from a snitch to a full-fledged member of the resistance. You need to either show his more gradual transition or include some sort of epiphany. What if he and Penelope have sex on top of the conveyer belt, someone walks in, and in their rush they duck inside one of the crates? Of course they stumble on the smuggled artifacts from the outside world and Carter realizes the resistance is right. Plus you need a sex scene, that’s two birds with one stone right there.
*Marshall seems completely unaffected by Marie’s death. One of his fellow revolutionaries is kidnapped and beaten to death and his reaction is basically, “she had it coming”? If I was considering joining the revolution I wouldn’t want my leader to be a guy who doesn’t give a crap if the overlords are whooping me with night sticks, or what ever future police use to beat future people.
*Leboutillier needs a new name. He’s supposed to be a hated villain but his name sounds like some sort of French pastry, or flower, maybe a combination pastry/flower. It just doesn’t seem at all menacing. What about Vince, or Tony or something? No, that’s too mafia. I can’t think of anything good. Regardless, Leboutillier needs to go.
*[Spoiler alert] So Carter finds out he was born in the outside world and is indeed the prophesied Promethean who has come to lead the people. I know it’s kind of a central point in the plot, but you might as well have Keanu Reeves start kung-fu fighting clones in a black trench coat. Ok, so Hollywood’s not real big on originality but goddamn man, I might as well just go rent The Matrix at this point.
*[even more spoiler alert]When the resistance group finally reaches the outside world and sees the sun for the first time they’re a little nonchalant. What, people don’t swear in the future. If I was locked in a bleak metallic factory my entire life and told by overlords that the Earth was fatally radioactive, and then I open a door and stumbled out into fresh air, I think at the very least an “oh shit” would be in order. Even a “wow.” Come on, something.
There you go people. I can’t go any further without giving the whole thing away, and then why would you pay your hard earned money to watch The Promethean? Or if I have my way, Daylight. Seriously Paul, cut me in. We can make this thing a blockbuster. Thousands of people lined up to watch Norbit, we got at least a fighting chance. And if any NoChancers have any film suggestions for the problems I’ve raised (good villain name for example) I’m sure we can get you a producer credit. Hell, hand out some sandwiches on set and you’ll get a producer credit. It's the least I can do.
1 comment:
Why are you talking about someone's script on a blog and using their name? Or is it a fake name? How did you get the script?
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